Should I save the dress for my daughter so she can use at her wedding?

Well, fashion changes, and what’s in now will be passé next year. When I looked at my mom’s puffy gown, all I could think is – “Thank God she didn’t save the dress for me.” People might claim that I can always redo it, make it more modern but the truth is – I wanted my own dress. I wanted to have the experience of trying on gowns and finally saying “yes” to “the one.” I wonder if this belief was pushed on me by the wedding industry as well? The wedding dress hunt isn’t actually as glamorous as they make it look in the movies, but that was a lesson I had to learn myself. I don’t want to take away this experience from my daughter (everyone is different, she might enjoy it). My girl should be wearing her dress on her big day, not mine.

The gown has a sentimental value

“Preserve your memory” you can read on almost every slogan advertising preservation companies. But what does it preserve? The stress of the wedding preparation? The countless hours of a nervous hunt for a dress and the drama with the wedding dress alteration? As I mentioned before- it looks better in the movies than in real life. Also, I came across the statement that your wedding dress is probably the piece of clothing that you looked the best in within your life – little sad, isn’t it? Your whole life versus one night. I don’t really want to feel that I’m going downhill from now. Why would I hold on to something only because I looked so good in it, even though I won’t get to wear it again? To look and feel fabulous every day of my life – that’s my goal. Besides that, I can only imagine my irritation if I tried my dress in a few years and it wouldn’t fit. Let’s face it. We gain weight with age. We have babies, work, family to take care of. Will I have time to visit the gym every day like I did before my wedding? Probably not. And we all know many of us starve ourselves before the big day. We know it’s not healthy, but we do it anyway to fit into that dress. I could do it for the week before the wedding, but never again. So why hold on to something to remind me of my “glory days.”

Another idea is to preserve and frame your dress. Apparently, it got very popular after the show Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Well for me, it looks a little cheesy and creepy at the same time… I don’t have the money (so expensive!!) or space for it. But even if I did,  I wouldn’t want to anyway. It looks like a museum exhibit from a horror movie to me. But again, everyone is different, and I respect it.

When does it make sense to clean/preserve your wedding dress?

Let’s taIk positives and see some cases when wedding dress preservation does actually makes sense.

Maybe you want to have a renewal of your vows and wish to look the same, or even better than at your wedding day. I went to my friend’s 5th-year-anniversary party. It was at the same place as their original wedding, and they both wore the same attire. I have to admit; it was very touching and romantic.

Maybe it just means a lot to you and you really want to pass on the heirloom to your daughter. My friend’s mom died when she was just a kid and she doesn’t have any physical possession that belonged to her. She wished she had at least something small for her to hold on to. That’s why she plans to preserve her wedding gown, to leave something to her daughter.

Maybe your dress is expensive, and you don’t plan on holding on to it, but you would like to try to resell it on one of the many preowned wedding dress websites, or even locally on craigslist. Cleaning it ahead of time might make it more attractive to potential buyers. I could imagine many bride’s wouldn’t want to take the risk of buying an uncleaned dress since it could have stains that won’t come out or get destroyed while cleaning. On the other hand, you run the risk of destroying yourself while cleaning and then not having the ability to resell. I would probably first try to sell it as is because there is always the chance no one buys it.

How much does wedding dress preservation cost?

We are a money saving focused blog, so I couldn’t resist looking at this aspect of wedding dress preservation as well. The average wedding dress preservation cost varies anywhere from $200 to $1000 or more. The prices vary wildly, depending on the character of the material, stains and dress elaborations.

Why is it so expensive? The preservationists explain that it involves many complicated steps and that because of the delicate matter of the dress, every step requires meticulous attention. The first phase of the preservation is always cleaning, followed by packaging the dress in an acid-free box to protect it from oxidation, yellowing, and other dangers.
When taking into consideration the price you already paid for your gown (on average $1300), it adds up to a pretty substantial amount of money. Quite expensive souvenir. Isn’t it?

How to save money on your wedding dress preservation?

If you thought it through and decided you can’t let go of that bridal gown, there are still ways to save money on preservation. Instead of using a preservation company, simply have the dress cleaned by a good reputable dry cleaner. Make sure that the cleaners have experience working on wedding dresses. Look at reviews of the place, read up a little about the process itself so that you can ask educated questions and make a decision based on their answers. Then, purchase a ph neutral box and tissues and pack the dress yourself. Also, if your dress isn’t made of silk, you can try washing it yourself. Apparently, this is what many cleaning places do, it’s called wet cleaning and can save you a ton of money if you decide to do it yourself (always check the material your dress is made of and carrying instructions on the tag). The instruction of how to clean your dress yourself is

Also, if your dress isn’t made of silk, you can try washing it yourself. Apparently, this is what many cleaning places do, it’s called wet cleaning and can save you a ton of money if you decide to do it yourself (always check the material your dress is made of and carrying instructions on the tag). Here are some instructions on how to clean your dress yourself.

You can also try to use one of the wedding dress preservation kits. The cost of these varies from $100 to $200. They seem very convenient, all you have to do is send the dress away in a prepaid box. The cleaning and preserving usually take 4-6 weeks. After that, you receive your preserved dress in a ready to store box (another no-no for me – try to fit in another box in a little New York apartment). I don’t have personal experience using them, but if any of my readers do, please share it in the comments.

My final thoughts on that special gown

So does it make sense for me to preserve my wedding dress? I don’t think so. Is it because I am not sentimental about my wedding day? Not at all. I’m very grateful for this day. Honestly, I find myself looking at my wedding pictures and video at least once every couple months or even more often. (I think the preservation of the photos and video might actually be more important to me… Computers crash, and hard drives die) I still remember the joy and happiness when I said “I do” to the man of my life. I’m just not that attached to my dress I guess. It’s only a piece of material for me. One of many. I will let you girls know what I will do with the dress. For now, I know for sure – I won’t preserve it. What do you girls think about it? Will you preserve your dress? Will you sell yours? Anyone have an experience they would like to share?

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Silicone bands are safer than metal rings

Many men and women with active lifestyles or jobs that require usage of heavy or powerful machinery or tools frequently have to take off their traditional metal based rings for their own safety. One major reason they remove their wedding band is to avoid the risk of ring avulsion (warning for graphic imagery/text). If you watch Jimmy Fallon, you may have even heard his ring avulsion horror story after tripping on the carpet at home. More than 150,000 cases occur per year in the US according to MNN with the most common case being the ring getting caught on a bus or truck. Silicone wedding rings often help reduce the risk of ring avulsion by being designed to tear away if enough force is applied. On top of the above-mentioned gruesome risks, some people prefer not to wear overly expensive rings while traveling to other countries, since expensive looking rings can make you a target for mugging/theft. Silicone rings can be left on basically all the time instead of having to take them off and on constantly and on which increases your chances of losing the ring.

Silicone wedding rings as an affordable alternative

Other couples are turning to silicone wedding rings for their affordability along with the added safety benefit mentioned above. According to Forbes and The Wedding Report grooms spent an average of $572 on their wedding bands in 2011. That is another big expense that many couples just can’t afford along with the already inflated prices of their wedding. Silicone wedding rings currently can be found on Amazon, Qalo.com, Etsy and more with a price range mainly between $10 and $50. That is significantly more affordable than the average metal wedding band.

Picking silicone to buck the wedding industry

Still, more couples are deciding to go for silicone wedding bands to stand out, and avoid the pressure the wedding industry puts on couples of how your wedding, your marriage, and your ring are “supposed to be.” The majority of the idea of engagement rings and wedding rings we know of today is not an ancient tradition that has lasted hundreds of years, but actually is the product of one of the greatest marketing campaigns ever. Diamonds have only recently become popular, and the guidelines that you hear from friends and family about how much you are supposed to spend on that wedding ring were also products of marketing campaigns.

Avoiding conflict sourced materials in wedding bands

Another reason couples are turning to silicone wedding rings is to avoid making a large purchase that helps fund war, slavery conditions, and corrupt militarist governments and organizations. Blood diamonds are diamonds mined in a war zone in order to finance a war. Those conflict diamonds have been used by militaristic organizations to attack civilians, killing parents, and forcing children to turn into killing machines against their wills. That was a big reason why we decided against getting a traditional diamond engagement ring and purposely searched for a conflict-free jeweler.

Silicone wedding bands conclusion

We weren’t aware of the dangers of conventional metal wedding bands at the time that we purchased our rings. We already wanted to find affordable, but conflict free rings, and after spending so much time dealing with the pressures of the wedding industry we were eager to pick our own unique ring. Silicone rings may not be for every bride and groom, as many couples still feel a special connection to metal bands but for the couples out there that were looking for an alternative, we hope this article helped inform you about another great option to put on your fingers. Let us know in the comments if this article helped you make the decision, or you agree or disagree with any of our thoughts.

*Credit to Zach Bowman for the featured image

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1. Buy the wedding gown in the right size 

Whether you buy your dress new from the store or on a sample sale, try to always get a dress as close to your size as possible. Don’t take the unnecessary risk with a dress that is a size too small hoping that you will lose some weight before the big day. And absolutely don’t buy something that is way too big for you- even if on it’s at a massive discount. Remember it’s always easier to take a dress in than to let it out. If you buy a wedding dress too small, there might be not enough material to let out, or the old seams might be visible. Why would you put another stressful issue on your plate? Don’t create another hurdle to get hitched. Taking a dress multiple sizes down can create several problems – larger sized gowns are proportionally bigger all over the whole dress. Simply letting in on the sides of the dress will only cause the material to pucker and the whole dress to lose its shape and won’t fit the way you would like it to.

2. Find a qualified seamstress

In some cases find an expert tailor might be easier said than done. You can look at the reviews of the seamstress and read the opinions of other brides. Ask her about specific details and see her answers. Does she sound like someone knowledgeable?  Ask her for any examples of work she is currently working on. Ask her about the size differences, and mention any complicated designs, lacing, etc. and whether she’s handled things like this in the past and if she anticipates them to increase the cost.

3. Get the bridal alterations price upfront

Before she even starts working on your dress ask for the approximate max cost of your wedding dress alteration. What needs to be done and any future problems that can surface while working on the dress. Make sure to take notes of any issues or complications she mentions and the price quote. Read back your notes to her and ask her to confirm that your price, what’s included in it, and what are possible exceptions that could increase the price.

4. Avoid wedding dresses that require complicated alterations

Be aware that certain modifications take more time and work and this cost more money. For example – it’s much harder to shorten a dress that has a lace hem. It requires more time and effort (and money) to take in a dress if it has intricate designs on the sides. It’s more expensive to take in a dress with multiple layers –  every layer needs to be altered separately.

5. Dress material matters

Certain kinds of materials require more precision and skills from your tailor – chiffon, organza or a real silk are more challenging and require high expertise from the tailor. On the other hand regular lace, for example, is much easier to work with. On a side note, if you are buying a used or sample dress that requires cleaning, try to avoid materials that are more challenging to clean. For example – a friend of mine bought a beautiful sample dress, had it altered, and then couldn’t find a dry cleaning place who would work on the dress. The dress was made of silk and chiffon, and all the dry cleaning places in her neighborhood were too afraid to take the job. It was a nightmare for her. She finally ended up pressing the dress instead and luckily it looked gorgeous at her wedding, but the stress she went through trying to have it cleaned was tremendous. So remember that the material of the dress matters. The more delicate and sheer it is, the more difficult it is to work on it. And it means more money spent out of your pocket on your bridal alterations.

6. You can insure your dress.

Many couples don’t know that you can actually purchase insurance for your wedding dress, which could be a good option if you went for an expensive gown. Insurance can also be thrown in as part of general wedding insurance which can cover many unexpected risks that could occur on or before your wedding. Keep in mind that your credit card also may provide some protections if you use it for purchasing your wedding gown or bridal alterations if there are issues with the quality of the goods or services. Credit to Investopedia for putting together some useful tips on protecting your dress.

7. Don’t wait till last minute

You can be hit with some rush fees that can add a substantial amount to the price of the service. Start the alteration process at least 2 to 3 months before your special day.

I hope this article introduce brides like you to the entirely new (for a majority of us) world of wedding dress alteration. I went through such a hassle with my bridal alterations and don’t want anyone ever to go through anything like that ever again. Let me know what you think in comments below. If you have any additional tips regarding wedding dress alteration, don’t hesitate to share them as well.

The post Bridal Alterations Guide – Reduce Stress and Save Money appeared first on Seize the Aisle - Unique Wedding Blog.

Let me tell you the short version of a horror story that happened to me when having my wedding dress altered. As I mentioned before, we got engaged and married within six months, so I didn’t have too much time for dress shopping. I was lucky and got my dream dress on my first shot at the Bridal Garden in NYC. I paid $700 compared to the original $1,500 price tag. It was mermaid style, simple – yet sophisticated lace. The dress was just perfect with only one downside – it was a little big on me.  First, I wasn’t sure whether to buy it or not. I knew that alterations would cost additional money, but the sales lady claimed that it only required simple work that would cost about 200 bucks.

I purchased the gown, and my alterations quest began

I didn’t know any good tailor and all the ones recommended by the salon were unavailable.  So I did what everyone would do – I went online and found the seamstress that had the best reviews. She had a cool website and bunch of positive reviews. I was able to get the fitting appointment the next day, which made me excited. There was a $50 consultation fee where she would explain what alteration would be needed and the cost of it.

The first appointment was quick and very pleasant. The seamstress told me that all I need is to hem the bottom and a small reduction in my bust and hips area. The price she quoted was 300 dollars. It was a little more expensive than I expected but I liked her, and she seemed to know her stuff, so I agreed to everything. I was supposed to come in 2 weeks for the second trial and probably in 4 weeks my dress would be ready.

My drama started in the second fitting

She showed me what she had done with the dress. I tried it on, and I didn’t think the dress fit me well. The hem and bust looked good, but I’ve noticed a prominent excess of the material (it looked like a bubble) in my hip area that looked even bigger when I tried to walk. It looked awful to me, but my seamstress calmed me down saying that everything is under control. She claimed that the dress is just stitched and not sewn yet. And when I come in 2 weeks to pick the dress everything will look normal. It sounded a little iffy to me, but I had no idea about alterations, and she was “an expert” in wedding dress alterations, so I decided to wait patiently for the next trial and see how things go.

I almost had a panic attack when after two weeks the bubble still was there. I told the seamstress that I’m not satisfied with the dress and I want her to fix it. Her attitude totally changed. Everything that was smiley and chatty turned all of the sudden to bitter coldness. She started rolling her eyes, saying that I’m the first customer that isn’t satisfied with her work and that the bubble is just in my imagination. Also, that no one can make a dress fit the body perfectly and if I want I can take it to the another tailor (after paying her of course).

I almost burst into tears. I’m usually very chill and easy going so if this was just a little flaw I really wouldn’t make a big deal about it. I’m so far away from being a bridezilla, but at four weeks away from our wedding day, not only did it have major issues but I also maxed out my dress budget completely. I pulled my shit together and tried to talk to her as calmly as possible. After a while, she resistantly agreed to try fixing the issue and told me to come back in 3 days. Those were the longest three days of my life. This time I took my maid of honor as a backup with me. I was so stressed and nervous. The dress looked good. I sighed with relief – No f-ing bubble. But now we had another problem. The seamstress demanded 400 dollars more because of the additional work she had to spend on fixing my bubble. I just could believe it. With the extra $400, it would make the alteration total the same price as the actual dress.

How my maid of honor saved my ass

I just couldn’t think of anything to say. Luckily my friend jumped in and helped me. I was in a daze of shock and panic and barely heard anything my friend said to her, but I knew she was upset at how the seamstress treated me and was fighting with her and calling her unprofessional. She mentioned how unprofessional it was to charge more than double the original estimate considering she even charged $50 to provide the estimate. Eventually, the seamstress agreed to the previous price and angrily shoved the gown into my hands.

It was such an unpleasant experience. After this incident, I couldn’t even look at my dress or think about the wedding for a while. Luckily it all worked out ok, and eventually I got over it, but I wouldn’t wish this experience on any other bride. There is so much else going on during wedding planning that wondering whether you will even have a wearable dress four weeks before your wedding is unbearable.

Hopefully, I’ll save your ass

I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. I don’t want you to go through the same. I will try to put together some advice based off of my experience and what I think I did wrong and what you could do to avoid my mistakes soon, and hopefully, it will help others avoid this kind of wedding dress drama. UPDATE: Check out my advice on how to avoid these stresses and save money on your alterations. Let me know what you think about my story. If you, like me, had some drama about your wedding dress alterations, don’t hesitate to share.

The post My Seamstress Ruined My Wedding Dress appeared first on Seize the Aisle - Unique Wedding Blog.

Sorry, I haven’t posted anything in a while. I visited my family in Poland. I haven’t seen my folks for almost two years. So it was a big deal to me that I could finally hang out with my peeps. It was a great opportunity to expand my knowledge and learn more about Polish weddings and traditions.

I’ve realized that even though I’m 100% Polish and have been in the US for only ten years, I know more about American weddings than Polish ones. I always wonder if my girlfriends in Poland had to go through the same hell as me when preparing for their big day. So I did a little research. I talked to a whole bunch of seasoned brides (all of them either got married within a few years or are getting married soon) and put together a little draft about the general feel of weddings in Poland and some Polish wedding traditions.

So what are Polish wedding traditions?

Like every culture, we have our cute rituals and superstitions depending on the region. First, the majority of weddings take place in the months that contain the letter R (in the Polish name for the month). In Polish, the word joy starts with the letter R. For example, June (Czerwiec in Polish) is surprisingly more popular than July (Lipiec in Polish) due to this superstition. In my area, there is a tradition that the groom has to buy the bride symbolically. Along the road to the bride’s house, he passes by multiple checkpoints blocked by rope, where he has to “pay” the village (usually with vodka) to pass. He then comes to the bride’s house before the ceremony and “pays” (again with vodka) the maid of honor to be let inside. Another cute Polish wedding tradition is throwing coins, rice or rose petals on the couple after the ceremony when they leave the church. It’s supposed to guarantee them prosperous and a wealthy life. My favorite tradition is oczepiny, also known as the unveiling of the bride, which is usually followed by multiple games. Similar to the American tradition of throwing the bouquet, a Polish bride will usually toss her veil in the air to the other unmarried women who are dancing in the circle around her. The one who catches it will be the next to get married. I’ve heard some hilarious stories about women fighting. The stakes are high.

Weddings can still be expensive and stressful

On the material side, weddings are very expensive.Weddings often cost around 20,000 zloty (Poland’s official currency). It’s a sizable expense for most people’s budget considering the average salary in Poland is 42,360 zloty per year according to wikipedia. Although there are many differences between Polish and American weddings, there are some shared expenses like venues, photographers, and dresses. Are Polish weddings less stressful than American ones? Not at all. My best friend, for example, ended up almost calling off the marriage twice due to fighting about wedding preparation and the stresses of it. Luckily, in the end, they were able to work it out and are now happily married. But one big difference that caught my eye is that Polish weddings seem to have less attention to details. None of the brides or wives that I interviewed mentioned anything about table centerpieces (maybe because the visual focus on the table is the mountains of food) or guests favors. According to my friend, “All a good wedding needs is good music and booze.”

Weddings are different all over the world

Maybe this will give all of the nervous brides and grooms some perspective.  You get to see the difference between American and Polish wedding traditions. Don’t stress over little things. Not everything must be perfect. Instead, be happy that you are marrying your soul mate in the presence of the people close to you. Hopefully, this post helped some nervous brides and grooms recognize that weddings are different all around the world, but they still end up being fantastic, fun, and memorable because of the meaning behind it and the love, energy and well wishes your guests bring. Let us know in the comments if this helped you reduce your wedding pressures/jitters.

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Whether to use Online RSVP vs Mail RSVP Cards is a question that is getting asked more and more. Some people are worried about etiquette and whether it is acceptable to use online RSVP instead of formal RSVP cards. Others are eager to use modern technology. There are advantages and disadvantages to both Online RSVP systems and formal RSVP mail response cards. Which one is right for you is a question only you can answer, but we try to provide you with some useful information about both that can help you decide. We will also let you know which RSVP option we went with and how it worked out for us.

Traditional RSVP Response Cards

Old fashioned mail RSVP response cards can have a unique classic feeling that appeals to couples who are excited to use them. They also have the potential charm that some guests will leave handwritten response messages that some couples love to save and treasure. If you are a couple who is excited to use traditional RSVP response cards, then you should go ahead and do it! But sometimes couples may have a feeling of obligation that they must use them to meet wedding expectations from others, even though they believe it will increase their costs and cause more work for them.

Online RSVP Response Systems

Nowadays, there are many websites that allow guests to respond online with ease. Some well-known examples include The Knot, WeddingWire, MyWedding, and RSVPify. Having guests respond online means that you do not have to purchase/print RSVP cards, RSVP envelopes, and potentially RSVP return stamps. It also means that you do not have to go through potentially hundreds of envelopes in the mail, open them up, and record the responses into Excel/Google Sheets. We chose to use RSVPify as our online RSVP system and couldn’t have been happier. We found that guests responded much quicker. I still remember my 25-year-old self that hadn’t sent physical mail since I was in elementary school, forgetting to reply that I was going to a friend’s wedding until last-minute because I didn’t have stamps or envelopes… I know, it was sad. But it shows the point that the younger generation is more likely to respond quicker to an online RSVP system than to a physical mailing system. You also get the benefit with most RSVP systems that you can export all responses to Excel, so it saves you all the effort of keeping track. You can even be notified via email instantly as each guest responds. Some people worry that it doesn’t look as formal, or it will offend some guests. I did not hear any complaints from guests, and I think as the population becomes more and more tech savvy people will increasingly choose this option for all its conveniences. You have enough things to do, and worry about already with the rest of your wedding planning! The only caution I would give is if you are inviting much older folks (great-grandmother) you may want to either invite them as part of a household that includes someone younger who can respond on their behalf, or reach out to them by phone to confirm attendance. You could always look at who hasn’t responded by a cutoff date and reach out to them manually anyway.

Both Mail and Online Responses

For those that are interested in the convenience of online responses, but want to give your guest a choice, you could always offer both options. It is likely the majority of your guests would respond online, but for guests who prefer mail responses or want to leave a special message with their response they can use the RSVP card.

Online RSVP vs Mail RSVP Cards – Bottom Line

We hoped this article helped you decide between Online RSVP vs Mail RSVP Cards. As a quick summary, if you love traditional mail RSVP Cards do it! But if you prefer online RSVP responses don’t worry about it offending anyone. According to TheWeddingReport.com‘s survey, 53.5% of respondents were in favor of online RSVP systems, so if that’s what you are leaning towards you don’t have to feel like you are going against the crowd. It also shows that plenty of couples still do prefer the personal touch to the traditional mail RSVP cards, so whichever option you pick, you have about half of couples supporting you. Let us know in the comments if you have any experience with either of the options that you’d like to share or if you have a strong preference either way.

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Weddings can be a very emotional time, especially for the mother. She remembers her son entering the world as a frightened, fragile baby, and watching and helping him grow into the man he is today, and all those magical moments in between. And now the time has come to give her son (which she may still see as the small baby that cried for her and she ran to comfort) to his bride. Mother son dance songs help you capture that feeling, and produce a memory that will last a lifetime.

Advice for the son

For any sons (grooms) reading this article – even though your mother’s taste in music and yours might be entirely different, let her pick the song for your dance. You can suggest some if you have a few you like,  but let her choose the one that touches her. This is a moment she will remember for the rest of her life. Different mothers will have different preferences regarding what mood they feel comfortable with. There are so many possible mother son dance songs out there. Some mothers are quirky and would love a silly song to break through all the intense emotions and laugh. Some want to savor the moment and cry through it. Some mothers may prefer slow mother son dance songs, while others might prefer an upbeat tempo.

To help out, we have tried to put together a list of some mother son dance songs that might appeal to you. We organized this list into the feel/style/meaning of the songs, and hope it helps you. We included them through Spotify, so it’s easy for you to add to a playlist as many of you may already be storing a wedding dance song playlist on Spotify.

Our mother son dance songs list:

Before we get into our categorized list updated for 2016, if you are looking for the most popular mother-son dance songs you may want to check out wedj.com’s list. Their list automatically updated based off the songs most requested (based off of DJ’s who use their service for managing songs). If you are looking for a more personal list of songs we hand picked, categorized and thought would be interesting to you, then check out the songs below.

Modern songs about appreciating mom:

Hip Hop songs:

Pop songs:

Upbeat mother-son songs:

Chill songs for the laid back mother and son:

Rock songs to dance to with your mama:

Slow mother son dance songs:

Silly songs for mothers and sons that love to laugh:

Moving country songs about mothers:

A touching song for the mother who passed away:

Single Mother (father wasn’t there):

Mother song songs with buildup:

Reggae songs to dance to:

General songs that are often used for mother-son dance songs:

Please let us know in the comments if you picked any of these songs. Also if you have any other songs that you love, please let us know, and we will update the list to help others find the perfect song to make the moment special. Also, check out our DJ Tip that might save you a ton of stress.

The post 32 Songs to Play at Your Mother Son Dance appeared first on Seize the Aisle - Unique Wedding Blog.

Many couples would be surprised to know how much money they could save on their wedding vendors, just by learning a few simple negotiation skills. In our last article, we showed you how to prepare for your upcoming wedding negotiation. This article on wedding negotiation tips assumes you are already prepared and want to start the negotiation and knock down your price. Remember, negotiation is not an evil tactic that you cause you to feel bad. The type of negotiation we are showing you has benefits for both you and the vendor and helps bring the price to a fair price that makes sense for both of you. Vendors are humans too. Trying to run a profitable business does not make them bad people, but it can lead them to seek to maximize profit on each deal. But using these negotiation tactics you can level the playing field and get to the point where they still are profitable, without you overpaying. These techniques can save you anywhere from 5% to 75%, depending on the original markup, your flexibility, and what you can offer the vendor other than price. Negotiating is a viable option on purchasing any product or service including venue, caterer, photographer, florist, DJ, etc. We hope these wedding negotiation tips will keep you significantly under budget.

Executing the negotiation and reducing price:

1. Only use these wedding negotiation tips with a vendor which you would definitely select if only their prices fit for you. Also, consider whether the starting price is already heavily discounted compared to averages for the same service. If you already have 75% off you may want to skip negotiating entirely.
2. Re-read your list of what advantages you are providing them, so you come to the conversation from a place of confidence. Negotiating shouldn’t just be about tricking the other person. It should be about getting the other person to recognize the value of what you are offering them.
3. Have all your takeaways available for easy access
4. Contact the vendor asking them for a quote for your ideal wants/needs and get a price
5. Make sure you are talking to a person capable of changing the price. If you are talking to the owner you can skip this step, but if you are talking to a sales person at a store this could be useful. You can ask a question like “I really love everything, and I am ready to make a deal today, but I need to discuss price. Are you the right person to talk to or could you please point me in the right direction?”
6. If the price is too high, start off by asking if the price can come down at all. Mention your financial situation, and how expensive this it to you. Tell them how much you love them and how much you want to make this work. (Vendors don’t want to waste time giving discounts to customers who are wasting their time, but if you are close to booking and only a discount they can afford is standing in their way they will be more willing)
7. If the price is still too high, mention again how much you love them and their work, but the price is still too high. Tell them the most important things you are providing him (other than pay). Are they a junior photographer with a smaller portfolio, mention how this will help them and that you will allow that all your photos can be used as part of their online wedding photography portfolio. Mention you will agree to write an honest review after the wedding on The Knot, Wedding Wire, and Yelp. And based on what you have seen of him so far you have no reason to believe that he wouldn’t get a five-star review. Ask if you can get a discount because the review should greatly help his ability to attract new customers and justify higher prices in the future. Maybe you can additionally offer to make a toast near the end to your photographer from the great work he has done, how affordable he is, and how comfortable he made you feel, and mention that there are business cards on the table for anyone interested.
8. If the price is still too high, state again how much you love them and their work and are incredibly close to putting down the deposit but the price is still too high. Thank them for the price reductions they have made for you. And mention you now realize they are giving a very fair price for their services, but that since it is still above your budget, you need to make some concessions on your end to bring the price down. Pull out your lists of wants/needs/flexibility and ask them for discounts for downgrading to your more flexible option. If you are reducing the amount of videography from four hours to one hour, you should get a sizable discount.
9. Stay honest and tell them you want to book them now, and start working on putting down the deposit. Make sure to place reminders for yourself for anything you promised them as part of this negotiation. If you are making a toast, put it on your timeline, if you said you would write reviews, add it to your calendar.

I hope this article on wedding negotiation tips helped you get the services you need for a significantly lower cost. I also hope that along this process you never feel like you were destroying your integrity, as all of the advice and tips we give in this article is meant to think of how to reduce price without abusing the vendor. Every price reduction should have some advantage for him as well. Let us know in the comments if these tips helped you saved money with your vendors or whether you have any additional wedding negotiation tips or questions.

The post Wedding Negotiation Tips – Save Money with Vendors appeared first on Seize the Aisle - Unique Wedding Blog.

Your wedding is likely to be one of the largest expenses of your adult life. The majority of couples make the mistake of assuming that quotes given to them by vendors are set in stone. But it doesn’t matter whether you are talking about the venue, photographer, DJ, band, florist, wedding planner or anyone else. The truth is that most prices are up for negotiation. Sadly most couples who try to negotiate hit a wall and give up quickly. They may feel guilty, or cheap for asking for a discount. But if you know how to negotiate properly you will not have these feelings. It’s important to understand some basics about negotiation, and how it applies to the world of wedding vendor negotiation. Weddings tend to be a time where emotions are at their highest, and vendors love this because the lack of rationality allows them to raise prices. They frequently won’t tell you a price until you’ve sampled it, and fallen in love with it, such that when they say the price (which is above your expectation) you feel like you’ve already committed.

To help our readers, we are putting together a guide on wedding vendor negotiation to help reach a better price with vendors. Negotiating is all about how much you know about the topic, fair comparable pricing, your needs, what value you are providing. The most common example you’ve probably heard of negotiation is with a car repair shop. If you walk in knowing barely anything about cars, little about car repair, and little about average costs of labor and parts, it is very likely you will get overcharged unless you are lucky and deal with someone incredibly honest.  The same truth applies to the wedding industry, though luckily wedding vendor knowledge can be learned much more quickly than car repair expertise. Our guide will show you how to easily prepare for a wedding vendor negotiation to level the playing field with the vendor. We will also show you what tools and levers you can use to argue for discounts / lower prices where it is a win-win situation for both you and the vendor.

Understand what you want/need and what you are flexible on

Let’s use a wedding photographer as an example.

How many hours do you want them? You might like to have some pictures getting ready, some pictures outside, some of the first dance, some of the group dancing, some of the toast, some of father/daughter and mother/son dances. But maybe you can plan out your schedule such that all your critical events happen during a shorter period of time and therefore reduce the hours needed. Do you need a videographer and for how many hours?

Similar to the above point, you might be able to cut down the videographer hours. Do you really need a video of you getting ready, and taking pictures at the park? Maybe you can limit video to the ceremony, and major dances, toasts, events at the reception, and a little bit of guests dancing and having fun.

When do you need their services? Do you need them in summer (peak season)? Do you need them on a Saturday? Do you have any flexibility in when you need their services? Could you have your wedding a week or two after the busy season where the weather is about the same? Could you have your wedding on a Thursday, Friday or Sunday?

Do you need them to put together a physical photo album for you? Or could you live with just getting the photos on a USB stick and print them later yourself? These are just some examples of what you want/need, but you should try to think of more on your own.

Takeaway (These will be used later):
Write down your range of what you’d prefer in an ideal world, and your maximum flexibility if needed to reduce cost.

Know the average price for comparable vendors in your area

A valuable resource we have found is The Wedding Report (no affiliation). They give you access to very useful pricing statistics specific to your county/metro area with a free account registration, which likely is all you may need. If you are looking for a photographer, for example, look up their statistics for average photographer pricing. Look for approximately three photographers that you like, and ask for a quote based on what services you need from each one.

Takeaway (These will be used later):
Write down the average cost.
Write down the lowest photographer cost.

Understand what benefits you are offering the vendor besides price

You are providing multiple benefits to the vendor. The price you pay for their service is one of the benefits, but it is not the only benefit you provide them.Here are some examples of the perks you bring to the table:

1. The price you are paying him.
2. Increase to his portfolio.
3. Recommendation to friends and family.
4. Review him on Yelp / other review sites.
5. Recommendation on your blog (if you have one).
6. Make a toast near the end to thank them by name at your wedding and mention how amazing they have been and how comfortable they have made you feel and that they have business cards available on a table if anyone is interested.
7. Experience gained, and familiarity working with your venue, picture location, reception location. This may help convince future clients who are wedding at the same venue to choose your vendor over others.
8. Potential for you to not waste their time. Vendors may have to give quotes and meet with five people before they get one person who accepts them. If you don’t drain their time and know what you want and make it clear you already like their style and personality, and the only issue is the price it is cheaper to give you a $100 discount than to meet with five other candidates before they find one that commits.

Takeaway (These will be used later):
Write down what benefit you are providing them other than paying their price

Appeal to their human side

If you are broke and not getting any help from parents, tell them. Vendors are not pure evil, but they are running a business and trying to maximize profits. If a portion of their price is purely price gauging, they may offer a reduction for you to a level where it is still profitable for them, but more affordable for you.

Takeaway (These will be used later):
Write down any conditions you have that make it harder for you to afford prices that more affluent couples can afford.

We hope this article on wedding vendor negotiation helped you realize that you shouldn’t feel guilty about negotiating for a better price. Now you should be prepared with confidence and the information you will need in your wedding vendor negotiation.  We will be adding an article in the next few days on how to use this all of this for the actual negotiation. If you are interested in receiving an update when the article is published please [subscribelink] to our email list. Let us know if you have any other questions regarding your upcoming wedding vendor negotiation.

Update: Our final wedding vendor negotiation article is available.

The post Wedding Vendor Negotiation – Secrets No One Tells You appeared first on Seize the Aisle - Unique Wedding Blog.

We talked earlier about how to decide whether a cash bar or open bar wedding is right for you. An open bar wedding is an excellent choice if you can afford it and your guests add more fun and energy to the party after a few drinks. It can help encourage socializing in your mixed tables, encourage guests to get up and dance and leave your guests feeling like they had a fun night. If you are reading this article we are assuming that you want to have some form of an open bar wedding, but still want to find ways to save money on your alcohol and bartending costs. According to costhelper, open bars cost somewhere between $15-$90 per person.  The majority of the cost difference will depend on your location. The next biggest factor will be your package choice, and the amount of hour it is open.

Open bars come in all shapes and sizes (and costs). Which type of open bar wedding is right for you depends on your wants, needs, and guest habits. Your budget will also influence your bar service choice. We hope this article will help you find the right bartending / alcohol service that is right for you and save you money along the way. I will walk you through some open bar options that could hopefully keep your bar tab to a minimum while keeping your guests happy.

First of all, what are your venue’s restrictions?

Does your venue give you full control of your alcohol choice? Do they limit your options in bartending services to the ones that they frequently work with (and probably receive kickbacks from)? Do they force you to use their bartending service? Do they not allow liquor service at all? Do they require you to purchase liability insurance to serve alcohol?

Factoring in quantity of alcohol needed

Is it easy or difficult for you to approximate what your guests may drink and how much?
The more you can predict the amount, and limit the variety of drinks, the more you could save by buying the booze yourself and just having your alcohol inventory served to guests. If you can’t guess whether the average will be two drinks per guest or twelve, you are probably better off paying for a bartending service. If you know that you would need to have a large variety of alcohol available, then you are probably better off going with a bartending service.

Are your guests’ heavy drinkers?
If you expect the majority of your guests to have 6+ drinks on your wedding night, you will probably save a lot by choosing a bartending service that charges per guest. Depending on where you live this may be cheaper than actually purchasing your own alcohol and serving it yourself. Keep in mind if you buy your own alcohol you will have to over-purchase unless you want to risk of running out of alcohol. If your majority heavy drinking guests may average 5-8 drinks, you would have to purchase 8 even if they drink 5.

Are your guests’ light drinkers?
Do you know many of your family / friends are non-drinkers or very light drinkers? We knew at our wedding half our guests were very light drinkers averaging about 1-2 drinks per guest, while the other half would average about 4-5 drinks per guest. Because of this, it made a lot of sense for us to purchase our own alcohol. We worked out a deal with our caterer where we provide the alcohol, and they provide the bartending service, cups, and non-alcoholic drinks / mixers for a flat fee. We ended up paying around $1,000 and had a variety of nice liquors, great beers, and excellent wines. Considering we live in NYC, that is a huge saving as the majority of bar services would charge about $50 / guest for the same selection. 75 guests * $50 = $3750. That is a gigantic saving. Alternatively, you could also save money by going with a bartending  / alcohol service that charges per drink as opposed to per guest per hour. They may want a deposit / minimum purchase guarantee and charge you a rate per bartender instead of per guest. Make sure you double check what they will be charging per drink and that 1-2 drinks per guest would end up costing less than paying per guest.

Factoring in variety of alcohol needed

Are your guests’ uncomplicated drinkers?
Would most of your guests would be satisfied with Budweiser, Coors,  red wine, white wine, sodas, and juice? If so you could reduce your budget a lot by buying the alcohol yourself. Since there is less variety, it is easier to buy each drink in bulk from a local bulk alcohol store. The less variety, the less over-purchasing you will be required to do in order to prevent running out of alcohol.

Do you have a mix of guests but most are simple drinkers?
You may be best with a bartending service where you choose to have a partial open bar wedding. A partial open bar wedding is where simple drinks are covered by the host (usually charged per guest), and there are also higher shelf drinks that are provided by the bartending service but guests are charged if they want these drinks. This may work out well for you if you if the majority of your guests would be fine with the simple drinks and the few who prefer the more complex / high shelf drinks wouldn’t mind paying more. Make sure the bartenders only display the free drinks, and guests have to explicitly ask if there are other drinks at an extra charge. This could save you money compared to upgrading a packing to higher shelf alcohol which only a few guests would actually use.

Factoring in leftovers

Are you regular drinkers?
Are you and your spouse regular drinkers who would end up drinking leftovers? If so, providing your own alcohol may have just become an even better option. The main disadvantage to purchasing your own alcohol is the fact that you will need to over-purchase to prevent yourself from running out of alcohol. If you would have purchased this alcohol anyway within the next year, then over-purchasing will not be an extra cost for you.

Extra tips and tricks to reduce your alcohol costs

If you choose to supply your own alcohol, here are some tips to save money on serving it.
Check with your venue how much they would charge if you brought the drinks, and they served it. Ask if they charge a fee if you bring your own bartending service. Ask your caterer if they offer a bartender for a fee. Do you have any bars you frequent that have great bartenders? Ask them if they would be available to bartend. You may find people who would work for tips only, or for tips + a small fee. If you are bringing your own alcohol, make sure to also purchase your own mixers, sodas, cups, etc. or see if your caterer/venue already includes it or provides it at a reasonable cost. Also, think about how many bartenders you will need. This can be judged by how much your guests drink, how many guests, and by your alcohol selection. It’s faster to provide a bottle of beer than it is to mix a drink.

Save on champagne
Champagne is mostly symbolic for cheers moments at your wedding. You likely will not have many champagne connoisseurs at your wedding. Whether you are using an alcohol service or BYOB, you can save by trying to find cheaper champagne that still tastes good, have your bartenders only half fill the glasses, or possibly even just ignoring champagne and letting your guests cheer with their own beverage. At most weddings, I’ve been to most people end up taking the customary sip out of the champagne glass but then go back to their regular drink and don’t finish it.

Save by only offering signature drinks
This is a great way to save money on your open bar wedding without looking cheap. You reduce the variety of drinks and therefore can purchase in bulk to save more. But at the same time, it adds character and charm to your wedding. You can have the bride’s drink, and the groom’s drink, and a little sign describing it.

Skip out the bar entirely, and offer “bottle service”
Your guests may actually get the same feeling they have when they go out to a fancy club and have a bottle of vodka, orange juice, and a bucket of ice. This saves money by reducing alcohol variety and serving costs. You could even incorporate this as a fun element in your wedding. Maybe you can try to predict each table’s favorite bottle (Grey Goose for your college friends table, whiskey for your uncle’s table, etc). You can have your DJ make a game out of it and encourage guests to mingle with other tables and exchange alcohol. To save even more you can even limit it to wine bottles only per table. Great tasting wine can be found for $6-10 / bottle assuming your guests are not wine connoisseurs and could bring down your budget drastically.

Close the bar a little earlier
Do you have many guests who may be driving home that night? You could save money by closing the bar an hour or two earlier and maybe transition to coffee and desserts + dancing. It will save you money and help sober up your guests.

Ask for discounts
Do you have anything special about your wedding that warrants a discount? Are you having a daytime reception instead of night time? Guests drink less during the day than at night, so you should buy less alcohol, or ask your service for a discount. Is your wedding on an off-peak season or off-peak day of the week? Request a discount because it’s unlikely your alcohol service would have any other business that day. If you are paying per guest, ask if you can get a discount if it turns out your guests drink less than an expected amount.

We hope this article helped you find the right choice for alcohol at your open bar wedding while saving you as much as possible.  Let us know if you have any questions, comments or additional tips you would like to share with other readers.

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